When the sh!t goes down Ninja

Probably shocking to most readers of my blog, I actually read books at certain times of the year or if the subject interests me.  My latest read has been by an award winning writer known as Forrest Griffin (by award winning I mean he was the Light Heavy Weight UFC Champion) called "Be Ready When the Sh*t Goes Down".  First I would like to preface with, this book is not for kids or anyone under the age of 16.  Neither is it for anyone on a hallucinogenic drugs. The humor is crude his language is vile and God bless him it is awesome.  The book is especially ninjatastic (see I made that word up by myself). You have to realize Forrest takes regular beatings to the cranium. Knowing this, the fact that he doesn't have massive brain damage and can create coherent sentences is amazing...  Well, after reading the book you may conclude that there was some damage done but he makes it work, and his grammar is better than mine, so maybe this means I should take some head pounding and see if it fixes things up stairs.  Back to the book, it is a step by step process in which Forrest explains to you why he will survive an apocalypse and the things you will need to traverse this horrific new world and why other people will inevitably die.  There are people that won't like this book and I doubt any of them read my ridiculous blog.  But, for everyone else (and if you are reading this, that is you) this book is guaranteed to make you laugh and ask yourself one simple question "What is mentally wrong with Forrest?"  He goes through most of the basic apocalypse scenarios and hits up a few I hadn't thought of such as 'Giant Spider Apocalypse.'  Truly scary to imagine.  Now, do I think this book will help save your life when the apocalypse happens?  Let me answer that this way. If you believing in God it doesn't hurt you to think that there is one and he is doing his thing so you better be a good person. If you are following my thought patten, visa via, it doesn't hurt you to read this book and try to glean ideas on how to survive the end of the world.  do I think we all should strap on our favorite loin cloths (and you all have one... be honest) and start running around practicing for the end of the world *deep breath* hell ya.  However, I get the feeling the local PD will be chasing after my jolly ass faster than you can say, "Holy sh!t Ninja gone crazy!" But, needless to say I am defiantly giving this book 4.5 throwing stars out of 5 (which is the feeling you get somewhere between nun chucking your arch rival and bloody katana slaughter).  And if anyone wants to know how the throwing star book rating system works please keep read and remember 'you asked for it.'

1 Throwing Star - This is a mighty piece of crap, barely deserves the job as a coaster or door jam.  In fact, just light it on fire that is probably the best use for this book anyway. If it was a human I would decapitate and tea bag he/she out of sheer principle (no that isn't necrophilia either you sick bastards, it is just is what it is... that was a cop out)

2 Throwing Stars - This is much like when you had to read Lord of the Flies or Catcher in the Rye in High School.  You found some perverse enjoyment but no true joy in reading.  It does bring you to anger but something inside says "It could have been much worse"  Like that time in prison... Forget I said that.

3 Throwing Stars - This is the kind of enjoyment you get from slashing some asshole's tires.  There is a moment of "Hell ya!" and than an instant later "Sh!t I hope no one saw me."  Although normal people get that feeling ninja do not. Simply because we are never seen slashing tires.  We are such experts you could be standing right by your car and never once notice the ninja going hibachi chef on your wheels.

4 Throwing Stars -  This book should conjure up memories of the first time you nun chucked some one in the face.  How fun was that?  If you don't know, go up to the person you like the least pull nun chucks out of your back pack slap them across the face once and walk away.  You'll notice as you walk away that you are smiling and that is how this book should make you feel.

5 Throwing Stars -  This is like full on decapitation enjoyment.  Living in the glorious gore of the moment continuously.  Much like orgasmic explosive release but with a ninjato sword and less blood... I mean more blood... F#%* forget the blood and just take my word for it this book rocks!

*The Ninja*