Ninja Minds #1

I am going to start a new section in my blog called "Ninja Minds".  Basically this will give you insight into what a ninja is thinking during everyday circumstances.  Please note, I do not recommend you take the actions I do or attempt to duplicate the results I have seen.  Just a disclaimer and for your own safety.  So lets kick things off with this mind bending scenario.

Asshat driver

You are driving down a 3 lane highway and you notice a black ford mustang bobbing and weaving through traffic behind you.  He is odiously speeding and liberally applying his assholeness to the other drivers.  What do you do?

I wonder if anyone actually reads this sign?

a. Get to the far right lane and pray he gets around you as quickly as possible.

how to block anyone from passing

b. Find two other cars going relatively the same speed in the other two lanes and pace them forcing this guy to slow down.  He than slowly starts going insane because he can't get around you starts slipping in and out of lanes trying to get one of you to sped up so he can get around the rest.  You smile in enjoyment as he slams his fist on his steering wheel and screams profanities at you all.  You can't really tell what he is saying because you are looking through your rear view mirror and everything is backwards so it just looks like he is saying "apple sauce"  many times in a row. 

Yes this use to be a mustang

c.  As he is driving by you wipe out your ninjato roll down your window and slice one of his tires.  He than starts spinning out of control careening into the guard rail and all manor of tragedy ensues.  Mostly involving el douche bag's mustang being torn into little pieces at high speeds.

d.  Keep driving don't make eye contact memorize his license plate and call the police about an aggressive driver in a Mustang Florida license plate. 

So which answer did you choose?  We allow me to explain why whatever you choose was wrong.

I beleve this is a "Come at me bro" scenario

First, I don't care if some one is speeding just don't be a dick about it.  Blinkerless lane changes and turning the highway into your own personal NASCAR track isn't how it's done.  Also if you are speeding, smile, it goes a long way to say "Yes I am speeding but I'm not angry and its an enjoyable thing right now." 

Ginger needs to keep his blood pressure down

Snake Eyes.... enough said

Now to get to the answer to this situation.  What you really should do is set your cruise control roll down your window climb onto the roof of your vehicle as he passes by you jump onto his using your ninjato to pierce through his roof and give you a good hand hold.  He will start to panic and swerve about erratically (especially if your sword has pierce him as well as the roof).  You will then use your ninjato to open the roof of the car like a can of sardines  Please not that if there is a sun roof this is not necessary just smash that in and enter the vehicle.  After his is accomplished gingerly slip into the passenger seat.  You will then lecture said asshat for no less than 67 seconds on his stupid behavior.  After you have reach your minimum time you will the take your ninjato and cut off both his thumbs.  You will then exit the car and say something like, "and your getting off pretty easy, I could have done a Raymond on you" this will leave him with a puzzled look that will take away from the fact he has no thumbs. You will then leap back on your passing vehicle and take control of it again. 

That pretty much sums up what you need to do in that situation.  If you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment I o read them all.  Also if there is a situation in your life that you would like me to solve for you or give you options feel free to leave it in the comments and I will see what I can work up.