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| Booya Snakeyes Bitches!!! |
In my past blog entry I introduced a rating system for books and would like to hash out another one for everyone. Just so later on we can all be clear when I start saying person/thing is awesome (look everyone I can spell it right now) or if whatever is a sh!t bomb.
The new rating system I would like to introduce is another throwing star based system. Unlike my last one I introduced. This one is based around the lower the number of stars the more we like something. Scoring will be between 0 (which is good) and 5 (which is very bad... bad like castration bad). This rating system can be used when ranking people, animals, teddy bears, music, dinosaurs and movie directors that raped my youth (I am looking at you Stephen Sommers 'GI Joe: Rise of Cobra' was blasphemy). So here it is.
0 Throwing Stars - This means that you wouldn't throwing star what ever that thing is. You enjoy said object and you have something resembling affection for it (ninjas rarely use the word Love, we reserve that for sharp pointy things, the movie Ninja Assassin and Mr. Miyagi). This is normal reserved for things you really, really enjoy. Like stegosauruses they rock or my teddy bear Barnabas who also rocks... Moving on.
1 Throwing Star - Whatever it is doesn't piss you off it is just a little annoying. Much like Linkin Park's newer album 1000 Suns. They are okay but they still deserve a little pain for causing me to listen to their emo sh!t in between the good songs. Another example would be jackals they clean up dead bodies really well. But, they are kind of a yip yip dogs too, so throwing a pointy object at jackals normally gets them to shut up. So to sum this up it annoys you but not unbearable, like the latest Predator movies.
2 Throwing Stars - This conjures up feels like the time you got that mosquito bite on your arm. It itched it was annoying but you could deal with it. What ever caused the annoyance you would like to make bleed. Not gushing fountains of red vital but enough to let them know it f#$k up. This is kin to a neighbor, who you hate, and has two fat kids, unruly dogs and looks like they just rolled out of a twinky truck. Who wouldn't want to blast that with a throwing star? Answer: No one. Two throwing stars won't kill but maiming has its own rewards.
3 Throwing Stars - This one got under your skin. Much like the person that hangs out with you in social setting but is horribly awkward. Whatever it is has caused you discomfort and the only resort is some spinning sharp metal, three to be exact, too any part or orifice of the body. This will probably cause whatever it is to go away maimed, curl up in a corner and die if you are lucky. This is also the rating I give to slow zombies, not the fast ones like in 28 days later. The slow ones that walk at a snails pace and won't ever catch you unless you trip on your own shoe laces and sprain an ankle. These guys aren't really a threat so they don't get lumped in with other faster zombies.
4 Throwing Stars - What ever it is it made you mad. Red in the face, rapid breathing and blood pressure goes up. Fight or flight instinct kicks in and you are all about the fight (Ninjas live for this!). 4 throwing stars is more than enough to kill your average person but not instantly. You are going to enjoy the suffering of this sad creature while you gloat over its soon to be corps. Warning: 4 throwing stars is not enough to kill a dinosaur such as the Mastodon or Tyrannosaurus. You must multiply the number of stars by 10 if you want to bring down a giant lizard. But, for purposes of rating only use the 0-5 stars it gets far to complicated if you say, "I hate something 40 throwing stars," rather than saying, "I'd take 4 throwing stars to that dinosaur."
5 Throwing Stars - Whatever it is you want it f#cking dead and you want it dead now. In the face, Boo ya!!1! It is a disgrace to humanity and/or the animal kingdom. To give you an idea the directors to such movies as GI Joe (grrrr), The Hurt Locker (what fantasy war was that?), In the Name of the King (never actually saw it but it looked stupid as sh!t, what was Jason Statham thinking?) and people who add 'Esquire' on to the end of their name because they think it sounds cool. Yes they all deserve some well placed throwing stars to vital areas on the body. Also, fast zombies, 'Why fast zombies?" unless you want to turn into one or become a snacky snack for the undead masses, get throwing. These guys can run for a long time and quickly, they are ravenous (like fat people at golden corral) and they don't care what you are they want you dead (like politicians... this also might be a form of the undead but I am undecided at this point).
